06 Jun 2024

Understanding the psychological needs of children is crucial for recognising and addressing the harm it may cause. 

In an interview with BOPA, life coach, Ms Sophie Mokute, said children at times display patterns of behaviour that showed that their sense of self-worth, emotional wellbeing and psychological development were compromised. 

Therefore she called on parents to be on the lookout for their children saying parents subconsciously or psychologically abuse their children through emotional manipulation such as invalidating their feelings or shaming them to control their behaviour.

She said bashing children through words such as O sematla o gaisiwa ke balekane ba gago indents the child to the core and affects their self-esteem and confidence leading to feelings of shame and inferiority. 

Therefore, Ms Mokute said parents played a pivotal role in the upbringing of their children as they were the first persons children seek to validate themselves. 

“Before your two-year-old child knows about God, she or he knows you, so there is need for you as a parent to be a role model,” she said. 

She said if an atmosphere of fear and anxiety was created, it could lead to a child feeling constantly on the edge and unable to trust in the future. 

Therefore, she called upon parents to exercise support systems that validate and nurture children for healthy development so that they did not grow to have feelings of emptiness, loneliness and worthlessness.

“When your child constantly does not perform well in a subject, the next time he or she improves by just two pe rcent, go out to celebrate with him or her,” adding that acknowledging and celebrating a child’s achievement either small or big, boosts their self-esteem and motivates them. 

Ms Mokute said often parents struggled to provide emotional support and validation to their children especially during challenging times, saying closing the gap involved showing empathy, providing reassurance and comfort when needed. 

“Parents need to be open, and tell their children when they go through certain things such as divorce, about important decisions that may affect their lives, rather than letting children to cope on their own,” she said.

She said most of the time those children did not cope and have a gap and subconsciously think that that gap could be filled from outside, hence engaging in activities that damaged their lives and contributed to an ill society. 

As such, she said parents should help children to develop emotional intelligence by validating children’s feelings, teaching them coping strategies and modelling healthy ways of dealing with emotions. 

“Closing these gaps requires an ongoing effort and a commitment to continuous improvement as a parent,” she noted. 

She said that would promote children’s overall well being and development in becoming responsible citizens. 

To bridge the gap between parents and children, Ms Mokute has devised a school counseling programme where she engages with students on life matters. 

She said this was, however, not enough, as children’s discipline required a multi-disciplinary approach involving parents, educators, life coaches and mental health professionals to create a safe environment where children feel empowered to speak out. 

Through her programme, she engages both primary and secondary schools children on life matters as well as to understand about the drugs, early dating and sex parties, among others. 

Apart from student seminars, Ms Mokute conducts seminars with parents to talk about child upbringing, co-parenting and step-parenting. 

Also, she holds teenagers’ retreats annually where she engages with teenagers in a transformative experience that equips young minds with tools and values needed to navigate the complexities of life with confidence and integrity. 

At the retreats, she said teenagers were not only coached on life but were also taught life skills, entrepreneurship and financial literacy among others. 

In this year’s teenagers retreat, she said they would be taught crafting skills, making of Masai sandals/flip-flops, decorating hanging shelves and mason jars painting to introduce them to the entrepreneurship path. 

Other skills to be taught include crafting skills, shoe making, vases design, and home decorating items such as photo frames, social and interpersonal skills. ENDs